Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my being single is dangerous.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
