pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
