you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We have so much sex to catch up on
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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