That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
