I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize