Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
