420 ftw
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
