I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
