before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
