I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
