Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize