i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
