on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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