My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
