i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
