i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
