So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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