if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
