My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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