A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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