That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
