someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
