oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
