Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
