Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
