Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
