your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
