Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
