My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
