Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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