it wasn't lemon gatorade
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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