I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
