I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Can I color on your dick again?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
