Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
