Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
