is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
