I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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