i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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