Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize