i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
