i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
