this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
if only i could text you this smell
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
