I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
