Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
