Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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