found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
