It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
