I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just pee around me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
