did you get engaged???
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
