It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
