People with herpes should wear stickers.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
