There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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