I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize