I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
