Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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