I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
