Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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