glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just took my morning after pill in the library
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
