I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize