when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize