I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
