it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
