So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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