I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
