I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
