In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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