So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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