omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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