Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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