I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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