i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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