Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Do vagina's smell?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize