i just sent this text using only my big toe
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
